Two Mountains

There is a metaphor about the therapeutic relationship, I learned from reading Russ Harris, that I like to use with my clients about. It’s the of two mountains metaphor. We are two people on our own journey, like two mountain climbers each climbing our separate mountains. I’m over here climbing my mountain and you’re over there climbing your’s. I’m not sure what happens when we get to the top. Self actualization? Apotheosis? Perhaps we merely die. I have years of experience as a man, husband, father, law enforcement officer, peer support member, veteran, and now as a therapist. I also have all the training that has gone along with that. I have completed all the course work required for a Masters of Clinical Mental Health Counseling. I have training on crisis intervention, advanced forms of peer support, leadership, emotional intelligence, and de-escalation. But I am still over here climbing my mountain. Like you I have setbacks. I may stumble and fall. But over here on my mountain, I can look over and see you there climbing your mountain. From my vantage point I can see things you maybe cannot see. I might see an avalanche coming down that you’re unaware of. I can see when you’re using your tools the innefectively, maybe you’re using your ax inefficiently or your belay rope has snagged. I can see when you’ve taken a wrong path, when there’s obstacles in your way, or when there are strenuous switch backs just up ahead. Yet, I’m still over here climbing my own mountain. I don’t want you to think I am here sitting on top of my mountain as if I have it all figured out. I don’t. I struggle, much like you.

“It’s the sides of the mountain which sustain life, not the top.”

– Robert Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance 

The Valley

Russ Harris uses another mountain metaphor in his book ACT With Love wherein he compares marriage to the valley between two mountains. The metaphor goes something like this. Each person in a marriage is like their own mountain: strong, majestic, not necessarily relying on the other mountain to exist in its fullest. Each have their own histories. Although they’re both mountains, they have unique features independent of the other. When those mountains come together they create something even more beautiful than themselves. Something that cannot exist without either mountain. They create a lush and verdant valley. That valley is like marriage. Sometimes though that valley gets fogged in and we cannot see the beauty throughout. This valley gets fogged in when certain situation, thoughts, and feelings grab hold of us and pull us around – away from who we want to be. In marriage, like any other situations in life, conflicts comes, the gap between expectations and reality widens. The fog rolls in when we get caught up in that gap. Within the low visibility of that fog we lose sight of how we want to show up, both in our relationship and with ourselves in accordance with our values. We can dissipate the fog by learning to untangle from the negative situations, thoughts, and feelings which pull us away from our ideal relationship. We lose focus of how we want to show up in any given situation.

“Definition: Alpinism is the art of going through the mountains confronting the greatest dangers with the biggest of cares.

What we call art here, is the application of a knowledge to an action.”

– Rene´ Daumal, Mount Analogue.